Just Be You

Relationship Advice 101: Do not ever pretend to be someone you’re not in order to impress the other. Do not mold your morals, your beliefs, and your desires to fit that of the other. When you first start dating someone, it is so important to be straight up about your beliefs, your future plans, and anything else that may be pertinent to who you are intrinsically. I know it’s tempting to want to be everything that the other would desire and put on a front that appeals to them; however, this “pretend” version of yourself will soon get worn down and tired of the expectations held by the other because of what you led them to believe about you in the beginning. The other will seem overbearing and irrational in what they believe and the ways they expect you to act. But the truth is, they don’t have crazy standards, and they aren’t trying to control you, they are trying to keep you accountable to the life they thought you lived and wanted. And the truth is, you can’t take back what you said, you can’t take back the pretend version of yourself, and mostly you cannot make the other understand your frustration with their standards.

So when you crave that beer so badly that you cannot help yourself any longer, after you swore to the other that you were 6 months sober and had no intention of living that way again, you will realize what you got yourself into. The other will try and try and try again to convince you that you’re just slipping and you can be strong again, but the truth is you won’t want to “be strong”. It’s not wrong to drink that beer, it’s not wrong to want to do many of the things that you want to do, but thats your belief. To the other, it is wrong, and that’s okay, but because of the lies you told in the beginning of your relationship, they will never understand how you could turn into someone else, when in reality you were always that person. So you cannot be angry at the other for wanting to “change” you, for wanting to help you, for wanting you to be the version of yourself that you made them fall in love with. And when you start to get tired of this new life, you will start to behave differently, and the truth will begin to unravel. Because the truth is you cannot change yourself in order to impress someone else, because you will eventually crave the old life you led, and that desire will always triumph over the life you’re faking- the life you really don’t even want to live. You cannot sustain a life built on beliefs that you don’t really feel conviction enough to uphold. They were never your beliefs to begin with, they were theirs. Love is not about impressing the other.

Love is not about molding yourself to be what someone else wants. Love is not built on lies. Save yourself the heart-wrenching experience of trying to recreate yourself out of obligation, and save the other from having to endure the unbearable heartbreak of losing someone that they truly never even knew. Save yourself the trouble and please, be straight up from the beginning. You hold your future in your hands; you get to decide how this ends. S0 be honest, be up-front, be transparent, and the person you are meant to be with will love the person you are.


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