Just Be You

Relationship Advice 101: Do not ever pretend to be someone you’re not in order to impress the other. Do not mold your morals, your beliefs, and your desires to fit that of the other. When you first start dating someone, it is so important to be straight up about your beliefs, your future plans, and anything else that may be pertinent to who you are intrinsically. I know it’s tempting to want to be everything that the other would desire and put on a front that appeals to them; however, this “pretend” version of yourself will soon get worn down and tired of the expectations held by the other because of what you led them to believe about you in the beginning. The other will seem overbearing and irrational in what they believe and the ways they expect you to act. But the truth is, they don’t have crazy standards, and they aren’t trying to control you, they are trying to keep you accountable to the life they thought you lived and wanted. And the truth is, you can’t take back what you said, you can’t take back the pretend version of yourself, and mostly you cannot make the other understand your frustration with their standards.

So when you crave that beer so badly that you cannot help yourself any longer, after you swore to the other that you were 6 months sober and had no intention of living that way again, you will realize what you got yourself into. The other will try and try and try again to convince you that you’re just slipping and you can be strong again, but the truth is you won’t want to “be strong”. It’s not wrong to drink that beer, it’s not wrong to want to do many of the things that you want to do, but thats your belief. To the other, it is wrong, and that’s okay, but because of the lies you told in the beginning of your relationship, they will never understand how you could turn into someone else, when in reality you were always that person. So you cannot be angry at the other for wanting to “change” you, for wanting to help you, for wanting you to be the version of yourself that you made them fall in love with. And when you start to get tired of this new life, you will start to behave differently, and the truth will begin to unravel. Because the truth is you cannot change yourself in order to impress someone else, because you will eventually crave the old life you led, and that desire will always triumph over the life you’re faking- the life you really don’t even want to live. You cannot sustain a life built on beliefs that you don’t really feel conviction enough to uphold. They were never your beliefs to begin with, they were theirs. Love is not about impressing the other.

Love is not about molding yourself to be what someone else wants. Love is not built on lies. Save yourself the heart-wrenching experience of trying to recreate yourself out of obligation, and save the other from having to endure the unbearable heartbreak of losing someone that they truly never even knew. Save yourself the trouble and please, be straight up from the beginning. You hold your future in your hands; you get to decide how this ends. S0 be honest, be up-front, be transparent, and the person you are meant to be with will love the person you are.

To All The Writers Out There

Thank you. Thank you for putting our rambling thoughts into words we didn’t think any other person could possibly write. You knew how you felt, and you translated it into words that spoke to how the rest of us were feeling as well. We finally knew what we felt, because of your words, because of your dedication to your writing, regardless of how crazy it made you feel sometimes. Because you made us feel a little less crazy along the way. So thank you, for your sleepless nights, for your struggles, for your mind. Your words speak louder than you know.

I Was Not The Problem

I found it so hard
To forgive myself
For screwing up
For being horrible
For disappointing you
But it finally makes sense
I could never forgive myself
Because I could never fully grasp
What it was that I did
And that’s where the truth comes in
I didn’t screw up
I wasn’t horrible
But somehow I disappointed you
But that didn’t come from my end
You set your mind to being disappointed
You set your mind on a single version of me
A manipulative
Controlling
Selfish
Crazy
Version of me
No matter what I did
You would not change your mind
You created a version of me
That you refused to let go
For some awful reason
You created misery
You refused to find anymore beauty in me
You destroyed the image of me
You destroyed us
You destroyed me
But I cannot be destroyed
By petty boys who think they’re impenetrable
Who think they are gods
You are not a god
And I was not your goddess
I was a woman
A strong
Gentle
Loving
Woman
Before you came
And still after you’re gone
You destroyed me but I have overcome destruction
I understand
It was you
I was not the problem

Remember Me Softly

I really am sorry
For the ways I mistreated you
For the times I couldn’t love you well
For the harsh words I said
I really am sorry
I have grown since you left
I have become softer
With my ways
With my words
It is good to be soft
I hope that when you remember me
You remember the parts of me
That were soft
That made you soft
I hope your heart drives out regret
And I hope you forget about my mistakes
When you think of me
I hope you think of my gentle touch
Instead of my angry clasp
My brilliant smile
Instead of my raging eyes
My loving heart
Instead of my aching soul
My warm embrace
My captivating laugh
My incredible strength
My gift of encouragement
My passion
For you
I hope you remember the good
Remember the soft
And I will too